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Post by Acer on Nov 18, 2003 16:14:54 GMT -5
ROFLMFAO!
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Post by Lord_Protoss_ on Nov 30, 2003 17:32:15 GMT -5
Playing Doctor
A little boy and girl were playing doctor. The little boy boldly pulled off his shirt and pointed to his nipples.
"I've got two of these," he said. "How about you?" The little girl opened her blouse and showed him her nipples. So the boy pointed to his belly button. The little girl looked down showed him her belly button. So the little boy dropped his drawers and pointed to his P*n*s. The little girl raised her skirt and pulled her underwear to the side, but search as she might she couldn't find that particular organ. The little boy taunted her till she ran home to her mommy. She returned 15 minutes later with a big grin on her face.
"My mommy told me that when I am 15 years old, I'll have as many of those as I want!" !!!!!
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MTR
General Start Newbie
One slip and it's to hell with you...
Posts: 9
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Post by MTR on Nov 30, 2003 17:40:58 GMT -5
2 Guys meet out in a parking lot. One of them has a 10 inch bic in his hand. The other guy asks, "where did you get the bic"? The other guy responds, "in the bar, there is a guy who if you buy him a drink he will grant any wish". So the other guy goes in and buys the guy a drink, and the guy replies "I will grant you any wish". He wishes for a pet ferret and the guy grants him a carrot. So he walks back out to the parking lot and says "I wished for a ferret and he gave me a carrot. You said he would grant any wish". So the guy with the bic resonds, "He is old and hard of hearing. Do you think I asked for a 10 inch bic"?
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Post by Acer on Dec 1, 2003 0:45:03 GMT -5
Lord_Protoss_'s Joke: ROFLMAO!
MTR's Joke: ROFLMFAO!
Results: All of them are funny as hell. ROFLMFAO!
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Post by Acer on May 1, 2005 11:01:00 GMT -5
Easter Blondies:
Three blondes died and found themselves standing before St. Peter. He told them before they could enter Heaven, they had to tell him what Easter was.
The first blonde said, "Easter is a holiday where they have a big feast and we give thanks and eat turkey."
St. Peter said, "Noooooo," and he banished her to hell.
The second blonde said, "Easter is when we celebrate Jesus' birth and exchange gifts."
St. Peter said, "Noooooo," and he banished her to hell.
The third blonde said, she knew what Easter is, and St. Peter said,"So, tell me."
She said, "Easter is a Christian holiday that coincides with the Jewish festival of Passover. Jesus was having Passover feast with His disciples when he was betrayed by Judas, and the Romans arrested him. The Romans hung Him on the cross and eventually He died. Then they buried Him in a tomb behind a very large boulder....
St. Peter said, "Verrrrrry good."
"Then," the blonde continued, "now every year the Jews roll away the boulder and Jesus comes out. If he sees his shadow, we have six more weeks of basketball."
St. Peter fainted...
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Post by jammy on Jun 8, 2005 14:20:46 GMT -5
A duck walks into a bar and turns to the barman and asks "Do you have any bread?" and the barman replied "No" The duck nodded before walking out of the bar and going home to bed. The next day the duck returned to the bar and once again he asked the barman if he had any bread and once again the barman said no. The duck went back home until the next day when he came back and asked the barman if he had any bread and the barman replied, "No, and if you come in here again i'll nail your beak to the counter" and so the duck walks out and goes back home again. The next day the duck returns to the bar and asks the barman, "Do you have any nails?" and the barman replies "No" so the duck asks "Do you have any bread?"
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Post by Acer on Jun 8, 2005 15:29:17 GMT -5
B-Day Sex:
Adam was talking to his friend at the bar, and he said, "I don't know what to get my wife for her birthday - she has everything, and besides, she can afford to buy anything she wants, so I'm stuck."
His friend said, "I have an idea! Why don't you make up a certificate saying she can have 60 minutes of great sex, any way she wants it. She'll probably be thrilled." Adam decided to to his friend's advice.
The next day at the bar his friend said, "Well? Did you take my suggestion?"
"Yes, I did," Adam replied.
"Did she like it?"
"Oh yes! she jumped up , thanked me, kissed me on the forehead and ran out the door, yelling "I'll be back in an hour!!"
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Post by Acer on Jul 15, 2005 8:11:40 GMT -5
An Atheist And A Bear:
An atheist was taking a walk through the woods, admiring all that evolution had created.
"What majestic trees! What powerful rivers! What beautiful animals!", he said to himself. As he was walking along the river, he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him. When he turned to see what the casue was, he saw a 7-foot grizzly charging right towards him. He ran as fast as he could. He looked over his shoulder and saw that the bear was closing, He ran even faster, crying in fear. He looked over his shoulder again, and the bear was even closer. His heart was pounding and he tried to run even faster. He tripped and fell on the ground. He rolled over to pick himself up, but saw the bear right on top of him, reaching for him with his left paw and raising his right paw to strike him.
At that moment, the Atheist cried out "Oh my God!...." Time stopped. The bear froze. The forest was silent. Even the river stopped moving.
As a bright light shone upon the man, a voice came out of the sky, "You deny my existence for all of these years; teach others I don''t exist; and even credit creation to a cosmic accident. Do you expect me to help you out of this predicament? Am I to count you as a believer?"
The atheist looked directly into the light "It would be hypocritical of me to suddenly ask You to treat me as Christian now, but perhaps could you make the bear a Christian?" "Very well," said the voice.
The light went out. The river ran again. And the sounds of the forest resumed.
And then the bear dropped his right paw ..... brought both paws together...bowed his head and spoke: "Lord, for this food which I am about to receive, I am truly thankful."
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Post by Acer on Feb 9, 2024 18:13:20 GMT -5
*Bump.*
Before Marriage:
Boy: Ah at last. I can hardly wait.
Girl: Do you want me to leave?
Boy: No don't even think about it.
Girl: Do you love me?
Boy: Of Course. Always have and always will.
Girl: Have you ever cheated on me?
Boy: Never. Why are you even asking?
Girl: Will you kiss me?
Boy: Every chance I get.
Girl: Will you hit me?
Boy: Hell no. Are you crazy?
Girl: Can I trust you?
Boy: Yes.
Girl: Darling!
After Marriage: (Read from bottom to top).
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